A Good Cry

Secret of Life #1. Living every moment as if it is your last.

Naturally, this post could have many titles, like Appreciating good health, Accepting Heavenly Father's plan for us, Carpe diem, and Rethinking our priorities. However, this Secret of Life is fitting following my viewing of the PBS documentary, "The Truth About Cancer," because for many- they know any day could be their last.

Being a requirement to watch this for a nursing course, I cannot adequately express what an amazing production this 'requirement' turned out to be. After a relaxing and enjoyable family night (a classy dinner at Taco Bell and a trip to the dollar theatre for the viewing of Vantage Point), my family went to bed. Naturally, being the night owl that I am, I put on my pajamas, carefully tip-toed downstairs and slipped into the coziest part of our couch to watch the DVR recording of this documentary. An hour and a half later, mascara is running down my cheeks, I am hiding my face in my old soccer t-shirt attempting to muffle my sobs, with a flurry of emotions racing through my body and an inevitable runny nose causing persistent snuffles.

A, what I thought to be, 'scientific' documentary morphed into a heart-wrenching, reality-based, real-life scenario absolute tear jerker. I have not cried this hard while watching a lifeless screen since the movie Titanic in fifth grade. Except this time, Jack was real. Rose's despair actually happened. And.. still happens. The basis of the documentary is from the perspective of a woman who lost her husband to cancer six years earlier. She revisits the Boston hospitals in which her husband received his care, to 'monitor' the status on the war against cancer. The brutal reality of her very endearing documentary is the actual footage of her husband pre-and post- cancer diagnosis. His health and vitality before the cancer warrant is shown as he climbs Mt. Kilimanjaro, the sweet and tender moments between husband and wife as they hold one another through the night, and his final days as he has grown weak and emaciated. I lost it; the tear ducts were obviously over capacity and needed to be drained, thoroughly.

I wanted to cry out loud. I wanted to hold the hand of each of those I hold dear who have lost loved ones to this medically-astounding disease. I wanted to pray to my Heavenly Father. I wanted to tell my cherished ones that I love them. How grateful I am for my knowledge and belief in the after-life, that one day I will be reunited with those who have gone before me. Furthermore, how grateful I am that if my future companion succumbs before I do, or at a young age, that it is not the end. Eternity is the contract, and it is binding. "'Tis better to have loved and lost, than to have never loved at all." I am such a sap. Blah.

To revisit my Secret of Life on this late evening/early morning at 2:30am, I look forward to waking up to a new day. To succoring the precious time I have here on earth. To spend it with those I love. To acknowledge the hand of God in every day life and in everything I do. To be more grateful and thoughtful. To live more righteously and with more kindness. To utilize the Atonement more fervently. To share my life with others; our God-given purpose is not to be alone. Like these Boston hospital cancer patients, who once enter into palliative care or who fight every few months with a new 'smart' drug, every day is momentous. You will find them playing softball with their kids in the backyard, taking a walk hand-in-hand with their significant other, and traveling the world. Maximizing time with loved ones is of highest priority.

So, it looks like I needed to express and 'vent' my feelings after such an emotionally draining hour and a half. If you tuned in 'til the end, I applaud you. I am impressed, because I would have given up about five paragraphs ago. And I definitely recommend this documentary to anyone interested, especially those within the healthcare field and those who have lost a battle in the fight against cancer. PBS.org, "The Truth About Cancer."

I now place my dehydrated body, blood-shot eyes, and overly-dramatic emotions to rest.